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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662741">Darkness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksarefriends/pseuds/booksarefriends'>booksarefriends</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Darkness, Hurt Peter, Hurt Peter Parker, Other, POV Mantis (Marvel), Pain, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:41:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,460</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26662741</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/booksarefriends/pseuds/booksarefriends</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter Parker is in pain. Mantis isn't sure why everyone else keeps treating him like he isn't when it so obvious that he carries so much darkness.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Darkness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ever_Whovian/gifts">Ever_Whovian</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joey_TheWriter/gifts">Joey_TheWriter</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>woops sorry not sorry</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first thing Mantis noticed, was that he was small. A baby she concluded. Probably just left the Larve-Stadium. The second thing she noticed, was the pain. It was dripping out of every pore of his being. Mantis was sure she could see his pain forming a puddle at his feet. It was black, it was dead and it was reaching for her<em>, longing</em> for her and all Mantis wanted to do was run.</p>
<p>
  <em>She knew this pain.</em>
</p>
<p>She had seen it before. Touched it before.</p>
<p>“I’m Fine. It’s getting better”, she heard him say, but the words sounded kind of funny as if she had cotton in her ears. They were lies. She knew they were lies. But he was smiling so bright he could nearly foul her too. But it was not enough to cover the darkness.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine I’m fine.<br/><br/></em>
</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>But he wasn’t and she knew it.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?”, he sounded concerned, “Is she okay?”</p>
<p>It took a while until Mantis realized that he was talking to her. She was the one he was concerned about, but why? He was coming closer and his pain overpowered her – she didn’t even have to touch him. It wasn’t like last time. Last time she was drowning in a mixture of feelings and self-hatred. This time it was raw and unfiltered pain. She couldn’t make out a single emotion. She couldn’t differentiate them. It just all went dark.</p>
<p>Suddenly the room seemed to tilt. It was reflex to try to grab something – anything, but it wasn’t anything there. She couldn’t hold onto anything. The room seemed to cave in on her and his sadness was burning through her bones like acid. Slowly crawling from her toes to her hips, and finally choking her. She couldn’t even scream when her knees brutally collided with the floor and she gasped for air.</p>
<p>“Please don’t touch me”, she finally managed to whisper. She wouldn’t be able to survive it. She didn’t know how <em>he</em> survived it. She couldn’t breathe, it was all just pain and darkness. She was shaking but it wasn’t cold.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The room was spinning for a while after he left. Mantis couldn’t tell how long it took till she felt like she didn’t have to lift a boulder on her chest every time she took a breath. She was sitting on the floor. Her legs gave out beneath her when she tried to get up so she decided it would be okay to sit for a while. Her hands were trembling and when she touched her face they were wet. She was crying.</p>
<p>Then nausea hits her. He’s just a kid. <em>He shouldn’t feel this way, how can he feel this way</em>? And she is crying and throwing up at the same time and it hurts, <em>oh it hurts so much.</em> She can’t do this again. She wants to grab his pain and toss it away, scrub every inch of him clean and free him from feeling this way. She wants to give him this warm and fuzzy feeling of happiness everyone was longing for.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p>-</p>
<p>“You are in pain” she wasn’t asking a question, she was stating a fact. “I am”, he agreed, “It’s getting better.”</p>
<p>Mantis didn’t have to hear more. His feelings were everywhere, she didn’t even have to touch him to feel them. It felt like an invitation. This time Mantis knew what was coming when she reached for it. She was prepared for the darkness that seemed to drown out every form of life. Like a heavy blanket. Even though she was prepared, it still hurt like hell. Her legs started shaking and she nearly fell but she managed to only stumble to the side. She grabbed his pain string after string oozing out of him, slowly braiding it into happiness, and this warm feeling you had when everything just seemed to be right.</p>
<p>For a second it seemed to work. His face relaxed, and a small smile appeared on his face. For once, he really seemed to be okay.</p>
<p>“NO”, he suddenly screamed and jumped up so fast Mantis eyes couldn’t keep up. In a heartbeat, he was pushing her back, and she lost the strings of pain out of her hands and it came crashing back down on her with full force. But it was different. This time his pain was mixed with anger. It was swirling around him like a swarm of wasps, ready to sting you, ready to kill. This pain wanted her to be dead, she realized startled. This pain was angry because… it was scared?</p>
<p>Mantis couldn’t fully comprehend what happened, and she also couldn’t stop him from running away.</p>
<p>But it didn’t take her long to find him. He was leaving behind of trail of feelings. The pain was still lingering in the air; she could taste its rotten flavor and it made her sick, but it was leading her directly to him. She wasn’t too much surprised to see him on the rooftop.</p>
<p>He was just sitting there, his feet dangling so high above the ground and his heart was heavy. Mantis knew it was. Her’s was too. He shouldn’t have to feel this way. She just wanted to help him. But how can you help someone that doesn’t want to be helped?</p>
<p>“I’m sorry”, Mantis whispered, not even sure what she was sorry for. Maybe for trying to help him? Or that he was feeling this way in the first place. Maybe even for not being able to leave him alone. Her voice was thin, and she wasn’t sure he even heard her.</p>
<p>He certainly didn’t react.</p>
<p>Somehow that made her feel uncomfortable. But she still couldn’t bring herself to leave. He shouldn’t be alone when he was feeling like this.</p>
<p>“The pain gets me out of bed every morning”, he finally said, breaking the silence. He wasn’t even looking up, he looked so fragile and tiny and for a second Mantis was scared about the fact that he was sitting on the edge of the skyscraper rooftop.</p>
<p>“Pain is better than emptiness”, he admits.</p>
<p>And Mantis understands. How could she not? She would prefer drowning in feelings too. Everything was better than the sheer suffocating emptiness. She lost a part of herself in Tony’s emptiness too.</p>
<p>“I keep telling myself ‘<em>I’m fine’ </em> when I’m not and people started to believe it, so I thought ‘<em>hey, maybe I am fine after all</em>’, but I’m not. And I keep lying to myself”, Peter started rambling. Once the words decided to come out, it was like he didn’t know how to stop anymore. “Seeing you like this because I was feeling this way? You being hurt because I am in pain? I know I’m not okay anymore, I may never be okay again and I’m fine with that, but people don’t seem to understand that I’m not getting better anytime soon. They want me to be fine and normal again so bad, they lie to themselves, so they feel better. But I don’t.”</p>
<p>Suddenly he stopped talking. He was breathing heavily, and Mantis was sure he was crying, but she couldn’t see it since he was facing the sunset.</p>
<p>“I don’t feel better.”</p>
<p>Mantis didn’t know how to react. Should she hug him? Should she leave? Should she say something? Or just stay quiet?</p>
<p>She decided to speak.</p>
<p>“I can take your pain away. I can make you happy.”</p>
<p>Peter finally looked at her, tears were streaming down his face, and normally he would be embarrassed by that, but he wasn’t normal anymore. And in his eyes, Mantis could see the sadness and emptiness. He was hallowed out, just a shell of the person he once used to be.</p>
<p>“No, you can’t. Without the pain? The anger? I am nothing. I wouldn’t be able to get up in the morning I wouldn’t survive this. There is something in me, I can’t define it - but it hurts all the time.”</p>
<p>It seemed as if his body forgot that he shouldn’t have to carry sadness and pain. That I was supposed to carry warmth, happiness, and peace. He just got to used to feeling pain, that being happy felt wrong.</p>
<p>“The only place where I don’t feel lost, where I don’t feel like I’m playing a role, where I feel alive, is here. On this rooftop at the edge.”</p>
<p>His small body slumped down when he started to cry. But for now, Mantis felt that it wasn't only pain anymore. There was a tiny hint of relief. A little sparkle in the darkness. And somehow, for now, that was enough.</p>
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